No Possibility Passed By

Everyday we are bombarded with decisions to make. Sometimes these decisions may turn out to be wonderful. Sometimes we may feel that we have fallen into a trap. Each decision you make is an opportunity. Some may be more obvious than others. How do you react when you fall upon opportunity? Do you see the potential possibilities it holds? Or do you see the possible burdens and responsibility it may bring?

How you react to opportunity relates directly to your perception of the situation. If you see the possible joys and successes that each opportunity brings, then you will find joy and success in every decision you make. Even if you fail horribly, there is still the chance to learn from the situation. Dale Carnegie says, “Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.” Risk is the key factor here. If you take the risk to be successful, even if it turns into a disaster, at least you had to opportunity to learn from it and change for the better. You will never wonder, “What if…”

Furthermore, any opportunity passed up is an opportunity you will never know the result of. When an offer is upon you, be sure to weigh your options in your mind. Think of all the wonderful successes and joys it could bring to you first. After you have weighed the positives, then you can weigh the possible misfortunes. This way you will be able to counteract some of the negatives with a positive and always relate back. You will open up your chances for success and keep a positive mindset.

For example, a person was offered a chance to transfer from one location to another for an opportunity for promotion. This person immediately weighed the negative options first. This person thought: “It’s a longer commute”, “My supervisor would be one of higher authority than in my current position”, “I would need to be the new person at the office all over again”, “People won’t respect me because I’m new”. This negative thinking discouraged and caused stress in the person. They felt that they wouldn’t feel success, despite the promotion because of all of these negatives. Someone asked this person, “Well, have you looked at the positive side?” This flipped their perspective and they gave a new list. “Working under a higher authority will force me to work to my full potential”, “The commute won’t impact me too badly because I love to drive”, “I’ll have an opportunity to start fresh and meet a lot of new people.”

If you look closely at the list of positives versus the list of negatives, all of the positives cancel out the negatives. Now this situation has a new light. It will cause excitement and a feeling of success rather than discouragement and stress. Taking a risk to see success is worth it. If they situation does turn out horrendous, at least you will have it in your mind that you took that risk and you now have the knowledge gained to not partake again.

The next time you find yourself in the face of possibility, weigh the options, and don’t fear the opportunities for gained knowledge!

Surrounding Anger

Reflect back to the past week. Now, Picture all the moments when you saw someone who was upset, angry, or uncomfortable. How did this person affect others? Maybe this person was in traffic, honking their horn and yelling. Their anger spread. Others began honking and yelling. Possibly this person was at a pharmacy waiting for their prescription. They felt that they had been waiting way too long. They went up to the pharmacist’s assistant and gave them a ration for not being fast enough. Then they went to another person in line and shared how upset they were. Now this person is upset and complaining as well.

Anger is contagious and addictive. If you don’t know how to control it, then it will begin to control you. Sometimes it may even feel good to be angry! You may feel that it is a completely appropriate way to deal with a situation. The truth is, anger not only hurts you, it hurts those around you and your health.

Stress and anger go hand in hand. Often when we are angry about something, that thought consumes us. We often can’t think of anything else and if we can, then our angry thoughts and actions affect that as well. Stress is known to raise your blood pressure and constant stress can cause severe high blood pressure.

Negativity is another expression of anger. If something has upset you, you may feel the need to express your anger. Whether you do this internally, keeping the negativity in your mind and expressing it indirectly, or externally, telling others about the issue that’s on your mind.

Learning how to control your anger and stress level may take much work at first. You need to be able to identify when you are angry and extinguish your anger. To do this, first stop when you feel your blood beginning to boil. Then take a deep breath and be silent. Think, “Is this situation worth my energy?” When first learning how to calm yourself, it is often best to remove yourself from the situation temporarily and come back when you have fully thought about your feelings and how to appropriate express yourself without anger.

If you have tried removing yourself from the situation and see success in that, or are actually unable to remove yourself from a situation then it is best to try and react in a positive way using a calm voice. When you raise your voice it immediately puts others in a defensive state. By keeping your voice low and calm the other individual(s) will remain calmer as a result.

It may seem odd to react in a positive way in a negative situation. It can feel very awkward at first but after practice you will see great success. Here is a work place example: Your coworker has just approached you and is talking negatively about a fellow coworker who also happens to be your good friend.

            Coworker: “Did you hear what a idiot Jeff made out of himself at the meeting!”

            You: “You know I didn’t catch that. But I did hear him make some very good

points.”

(Your coworker continues with negativity-obviously not realizing you have a friendship with Jeff. You proceed by extinguishing rather than provoking)

Coworker: “I didn’t hear one useful thing come from Jeff. Actually, I thought his comments were elementary and he was just trying to get the CEO’s attention.”

You: “I’m sorry ______ (Coworker). Jeff and I are actually friends. (Situation extinguished. You continue with a different topic)

You: “So, have you finished the Steinberg file?” (Smiling)

This situation had every possibility of getting very fired up and uncomfortable if you had either a) became overly upset and defensive, or b) agreed with your coworker’s points on your friend. Yes, it may have seemed awkward because you mentioned that Jeff was your friend. You can’t always avoid awkward conversations but you can have the confidence in your cause. Here your cause was to stop your coworker from becoming overly embarrassed and extinguish the negativity.

I have always found it more difficult to cease anger when alone rather than in a confrontation. We often experience situations that upset us when we are alone (thinking of money issues, traffic, overloaded at work, loneliness). When you are alone and upset you must do the hardest thing of all, change your thinking.

It sounds relatively simple, change your thinking. It is difficult when you feel overwhelmed by a situation; you must change your entire perspective on it so it won’t bring you down. If you are overloaded with work, imagine things you can do at that present time to make things easier for you; a priority list, delegation, or organization. Rather than continuing to feel upset, stressed and overwhelmed, do something for yourself.

Working for Yourself

Who is the most important person in your life? Is it a family member? Maybe the most important person to you is a significant other or even a friend? If your answer is anything but yourself, then you are sacrificing your own wellbeing. Yes, it is ok to have very important people in your life but your needs should take precedent over anyone else’s.

I understand that this may seem like a selfish approach. Consider yourself in a pressing situation. You are always on the go, rushing from one place to another to get things done for others. One can only consider others for so long until you wear yourself thin. You become bitter to those whom you have been catering to. You blame them for your weariness. Unfortunately the only one to blame here is you.

It is better to say no and have someone temporarily upset than to continuously put yourself out. Humans are creatures of habit. If you allow someone to continue to use you for something then they will expect you to continue doing this. The key word here is continue. By all means it is perfectly fine to do favors for the ones we care for, just don’t let these favors become your permanent responsibility unwillingly. Yes, the person might be temporarily sore about the fact you turned them down but they will get over it in time.

In doing this, you are not only empowering yourself, you are also developing the independence of the other person. They now know that they cannot always hand off this particular responsibility to you and now must find a new way to complete their task. You may offer a suggestion to show that you do care about their responsibility and see that they are in a compromising situation. This will lighten the blow of your “no”.

 All in all, make sure you are allowing yourself to live for yourself not for all around you.