Surrounding Anger

Reflect back to the past week. Now, Picture all the moments when you saw someone who was upset, angry, or uncomfortable. How did this person affect others? Maybe this person was in traffic, honking their horn and yelling. Their anger spread. Others began honking and yelling. Possibly this person was at a pharmacy waiting for their prescription. They felt that they had been waiting way too long. They went up to the pharmacist’s assistant and gave them a ration for not being fast enough. Then they went to another person in line and shared how upset they were. Now this person is upset and complaining as well.

Anger is contagious and addictive. If you don’t know how to control it, then it will begin to control you. Sometimes it may even feel good to be angry! You may feel that it is a completely appropriate way to deal with a situation. The truth is, anger not only hurts you, it hurts those around you and your health.

Stress and anger go hand in hand. Often when we are angry about something, that thought consumes us. We often can’t think of anything else and if we can, then our angry thoughts and actions affect that as well. Stress is known to raise your blood pressure and constant stress can cause severe high blood pressure.

Negativity is another expression of anger. If something has upset you, you may feel the need to express your anger. Whether you do this internally, keeping the negativity in your mind and expressing it indirectly, or externally, telling others about the issue that’s on your mind.

Learning how to control your anger and stress level may take much work at first. You need to be able to identify when you are angry and extinguish your anger. To do this, first stop when you feel your blood beginning to boil. Then take a deep breath and be silent. Think, “Is this situation worth my energy?” When first learning how to calm yourself, it is often best to remove yourself from the situation temporarily and come back when you have fully thought about your feelings and how to appropriate express yourself without anger.

If you have tried removing yourself from the situation and see success in that, or are actually unable to remove yourself from a situation then it is best to try and react in a positive way using a calm voice. When you raise your voice it immediately puts others in a defensive state. By keeping your voice low and calm the other individual(s) will remain calmer as a result.

It may seem odd to react in a positive way in a negative situation. It can feel very awkward at first but after practice you will see great success. Here is a work place example: Your coworker has just approached you and is talking negatively about a fellow coworker who also happens to be your good friend.

            Coworker: “Did you hear what a idiot Jeff made out of himself at the meeting!”

            You: “You know I didn’t catch that. But I did hear him make some very good

points.”

(Your coworker continues with negativity-obviously not realizing you have a friendship with Jeff. You proceed by extinguishing rather than provoking)

Coworker: “I didn’t hear one useful thing come from Jeff. Actually, I thought his comments were elementary and he was just trying to get the CEO’s attention.”

You: “I’m sorry ______ (Coworker). Jeff and I are actually friends. (Situation extinguished. You continue with a different topic)

You: “So, have you finished the Steinberg file?” (Smiling)

This situation had every possibility of getting very fired up and uncomfortable if you had either a) became overly upset and defensive, or b) agreed with your coworker’s points on your friend. Yes, it may have seemed awkward because you mentioned that Jeff was your friend. You can’t always avoid awkward conversations but you can have the confidence in your cause. Here your cause was to stop your coworker from becoming overly embarrassed and extinguish the negativity.

I have always found it more difficult to cease anger when alone rather than in a confrontation. We often experience situations that upset us when we are alone (thinking of money issues, traffic, overloaded at work, loneliness). When you are alone and upset you must do the hardest thing of all, change your thinking.

It sounds relatively simple, change your thinking. It is difficult when you feel overwhelmed by a situation; you must change your entire perspective on it so it won’t bring you down. If you are overloaded with work, imagine things you can do at that present time to make things easier for you; a priority list, delegation, or organization. Rather than continuing to feel upset, stressed and overwhelmed, do something for yourself.